


I Don't Snoop

by masterroadtripper



Series: Telling The Truth [9]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Enthusiastic Consent, First time roleplay, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Trans Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Trans Male Character, adult characters, canon-typical triggers, light roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:41:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25696690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masterroadtripper/pseuds/masterroadtripper
Summary: Ever since they moved in together, Evan has kept a box of un-opened clothes from his high school days.  When Connor accidentally knocks it over and finds his light blue striped polo, it inspires the two boys to reenact something from their high school days.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Series: Telling The Truth [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595260
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work will be NSFW. The first chapter, no, the second chapter, yes. Don't like, don't read.
> 
> TW for brief mentions of suicide attempt(s) and SH
> 
> Chapter 2 coming soon : ) !

Connor had been putting their laundry away when he accidentally knocked over Evan’s stack of boxes. For the past year since Evan had moved in with him, the boxes from his childhood bedroom had been tucked behind their small and relatively untouched collection of dress clothes.

After attending a fundraiser for Ellison State Park, Connor found himself in charge of putting their dress clothes away while Evan put together sandwiches in the kitchen of their small apartment. As he attempted to hang up his and Evan’s dress shirts, dark purple and light blue respectively, he’d managed to get the pocket of his sweater caught on the top box and knock it off the pile.

Spilling onto the floor, Connor’s first thought was that it was strange that the tape that should have kept the top box sealed shut had been cut. It allowed the contents of the box to spill out onto the floor, covering the hardwood floor of their closet with various pieces of Evan’s old clothing from junior high and high school.

Connor irrationally hoped that Evan hadn’t heard the loud crash from where he was in the kitchen. The apartment wasn’t big at all, and so there was no way that it had been unheard, and he figured that there was a reason that Evan had never done anything with the boxes for a reason. So he started frantically trying to gather everything up and get it back into the box.

Picking up the clothes, Connor saw the one shirt that he never expected to see again in his life. He hadn’t seen Evan wear it since their first day of the twelfth grade and had assumed that he’d grown out of it, even though it used to hang off Evan like a burlap sack. A very attractive burlap sack. Regardless, after that first day, Connor just assumed that he was never going to see it on Evan again.

Washed and worn thin, Connor felt the material between his fingertips as the blue striped polo shirt brought back memories of walking into school high, his left forearm bandaged thick with gauze under his sweater, a bottle of pills in his pocket and pushing Evan to the ground. His ex-boyfriend at the time. Connor acknowledged now that it was the weed - which was probably not straight weed, in hindsight - messing with his medications. It had caused the outburst, but it didn’t change the fact that he’d hurt Evan. Evan, whose own arm was covered in a glaringly white cast from falling out of a tree - or so Connor thought while Connor had been at the hospital earlier in the summer.

He’d signed it, hoping to leave his mark on the world forever. Or, as long as the cast lasted. Everyone would forget about him by then anyway. But he’d been found at the park by a jogger that night, choking on pills and barely clinging to life. Eventually, with a second round of intensive in-patient therapy, he and Evan had been able to rebuild their shattered friendship and relationship back up from rock bottom.

Four years later and Connor was standing in the closet of their shared apartment, zoning out on one of Evan’s old shirts. Shaking his head to clear it from its long stroll down memory lane, Connor heard soft footsteps from behind him. Evan. He’d heard the box fall.

“Are you okay?” Evan asked, walking in and looking at the mess Connor had made.

“I’m fine. Knocked over one of your boxes though,” Connor explained, starting to fold the striped shirt he had been holding, “I’m sorry. I know that you didn’t want these boxes to...you know...open. I promise I wasn’t snooping. I don’t...snoop.”

“Connor, it's okay, really. I didn’t think you were snooping” Evan assured him, placing his slightly chilled hands on Connor’s arms. That was when he realized that he had been shaking.

“Are you really okay Connor?” Evan asked, “I don’t care about these dumb boxes. Are you okay?”

After a couple of seconds of silence, Connor managed to mutter, “I didn’t realize you still had this shirt.”

“I couldn’t get rid of it,” Evan said.

“You never wore it...after that day,” Connor said, refusing to let go of the shirt, feeling like he’d managed to pull one of the last remaining pieces of his childhood back into focus. From before they’d broken up and gotten back together. From before they both tried to kill themselves. From before mental illness took over their lives.

“I did once,” Evan said, the volume of his voice dropping a little, “I came to see you at the hospital and I...I wore it, because I knew you liked it. But when I went into your room, you saw me and started...and-and started crying. When I zipped up my jacket, you calmed down. I never...I never wore it again.”

“I don’t remember that,” Connor said, his voice equally as low.

“I didn’t think you did, you were on a lot of painkillers at the time,” Evan explained, reaching out and taking the shirt from Connor’s violently shaking hands. Forcing himself to calm down a little, he released his grip on the article of clothing.

“You never told me,” Connor said, though he wasn’t really mad. It was a painful memory for Connor and, from what he understood, it was a much more painful memory for Evan.

“I didn’t think it would help you recover...then I just...forgot,” Evan admitted, looking down at his feet like he was ashamed of himself.

Taking a step forward to reassure him, Connor laced his fingers into Evan’s and ran his thumb over Evan’s knuckles, “I’m not mad at you, okay? I promise I’m not upset.”

Evan leaned forwards and planted a kiss against Connor’s lips.

When they parted, Connor muttered, “I think it would still fit you,” while trying to crack a smile to show Evan that he was okay and ready to move on with their day. It was just a shirt for goodness sakes.

“Yeah?” Evan said, holding the shirt up to his own shoulders to see if he’d put on more muscle at the park than the shirt could take.

“You know, I always liked how you looked in that shirt,” Connor said, picking up a different article of clothing from the floor and folding it before dropping it into the box.

“How?” Evan exclaimed, “It was so big and bulky.”

“Brought out your eyes,” Connor said as if that explained his entire affinity with the shirt.

It was so uniquely Evan that it couldn’t just be encapsulated in one statement. It was safety, it was the feeling of belief, it was loving, it was their childhood. There were so many things that there was no way he could sum up into one sentence.

“Huh,” Evan replied like he knew there was more that Connor was thinking but choosing not to say. They could read each other too well by now. He could see the gears in Evan's brain turning and Connor wondered what he was coming up with. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the NSFW chapter. Proceed with caution. 
> 
> I also would just like to note that while this takes place within this series where Evan and Connor start off high-school-aged, they are now adults (around 22 years old). While they are roleplaying their high school days, they are in no way encouraging or thinking about pedophilia in any way, shape or form. There is a reason that they never did this until they were both adults. 
> 
> 6 pages of smut? More likely than you'd think.

Connor felt wound up. Like he needed to scream into a pillow or punch something. He’d spent his entire morning in classes before running across campus to the library to work his shift with less than five minutes to spare. And those five minutes were spent choking down the sandwich Evan made for him that morning. By the time his shift was over, the sun was setting and he was so close to snapping. Every little thing was threatening to make his brain explode.

Pulling open the door to their apartment and throwing his set of keys into the bowl with more force than truly needed, Connor looked around the joint kitchen and living room space, observing that Evan was nowhere to be seen. Usually, he’d be done his homework by this time in the evening and would be either watching a documentary or reading on the couch. There was a plate of food sitting next to the microwave, but it was the last thing that Connor wanted to do at that moment. He wanted to watch a documentary on trees and cuddle with Evan.

“Evan?” Connor called softly into their apartment, dumping his bag onto the ground near the counter next to Evan’s backpack.

“In our room,” Evan’s voice called back, but it sounded a little different. While Connor couldn’t be entirely certain why, he kicked off his combat boots before walking towards the partially closed bedroom door, his curiosity growing.

Pushing the door open, Connor felt his breath catch. Sitting cross-legged in the middle of their bed was Evan, in a pair of beige khaki’s that Connor hadn’t seen him pull out in a while and the blue striped shirt from the other day. Evan looked like he was suddenly seventeen years old again. While Evan kept clean-shaven most days, it looked like he’d showered and shaved before Connor had gotten home and had even combed his hair to the side like he used to do back in high school, removing and flattening most of the curls out with some kind of product.

It reminded him of the first time they kissed, sitting on Evan’s bed in his childhood home, having just gotten back from an after-school orchard visit. While they’d never gone any further than that until over a year later, the memory was at the forefront of Connors's mind as he forced himself to swallow. Because, if he didn’t know that Evan was currently twenty-one years old, he would have thought that he’d accidentally gotten into a time machine and gone back to the middle of their eleventh-grade year.

“Do you like it?” Evan asked, motioning to himself and looking down a little, a cheeky grin spreading across his features.

“Oh you know I do,” Connor replied, feeling the knot inside his head untangling a little with every step towards the bed that he took.

“So I had an idea,” Evan said sweetly, the look on his face conveying to Connor that the cheeky little shit knew exactly what he was doing to Connor - and more specifically, the interior of his boxers.

“Oh, do tell?” Connor said, crossing his arms and looking at what Evan had pulled out from behind his back.

“I found these in the closet,” Evan started, laying out a set of Connor’s clothes in front of him, “and I was wondering if you could...like...wear them? And then we could...you know?”

Connor smirked at his boyfriend, an adorable red blush creeping up his neck from where he was obviously trying to stomp down on his anxiety long enough to convey his masterful plan across to Connor.

“Yeah,” Connor agreed, very much on board with Evan’s idea, “yes please.”

“Here,” Evan said, handing over the pile of clothes that he’d found.

It wasn’t that Connor had ever packed this particular set of clothes away for any reason, but he just didn’t have the need to wear them anymore. Besides, one very important addition to the ensemble was pointedly missing for reasons that Connor didn’t care to think about and its replacement had been donated to a transgender youth program on campus after Connor’s surgery over the summer. He hadn’t needed the beige binder anymore so he donated it.

Stripping off his sweater and shirt that he’d been wearing all day, Connor picked up the long-sleeved grey shirt from the pile. Pulling it over his head and smoothing down his hair, he watched Evan sitting on their bed. He looked lost in his own mind. While Evan usually took control of events in the privacy of their bedroom nowadays because he liked it better, it was certainly quite the throwback for the both of them for Evan to be so submissive and not being the one giving every instruction.

The grey shirt hung off Connor’s frame like a giant sack, which was likely the purpose of it when he’d bought it in the first place. In the pile was his old black spider web hoodie. He didn’t wear it as often as his grey one, but he did like it and since it was a thicker material, he usually wore it to the orchard when they’d go in the fall. Pulling it on over the grey shirt, Connor adjusted the garments over his black skinny jeans and smiled at Evan.

“Like what you see?” Connor asked, walking closer to the bed and gently sitting down on the edge. Evan seemed to be really twitchy - or was playing it up very well - to the point that Connor wondered if he’d remembered to take his meds that afternoon with lunch.

“Yeah,” Evan said, but it came out on a breath of air that was so quiet that Connor wondered if he’d even really truly heard it.

“Can I…,” Connor started, reaching out towards Evan, “can I kiss you?”

“Yes please,” Evan said before launching himself towards Connor.

And there was the Evan he was used to. But he reigned himself in, seemingly committing to...whatever they were doing. If they were re-enacting their first kiss, well, Connor didn’t know if he could truly just stop there. Because, from the hardness he could feel pressed against his stomach, Evan was fit to explode and had probably been working himself up about this whole event all afternoon. That's what always happened. When he got one of these ideas into his mind, he’d mull it over for hours. It occupied all his thoughts until he either got to play it out in full with Connor or he got distracted with something else first.

They kissed for what felt like an eon before Evan pulled away lightly and looked into Connor’s eyes shyly.

“Are you ever going to tell me what your idea was?” Connor said softly, their faces still just inches apart.

“Do you remember that first time…?” Evan asked, “like...at your house when-when we were home alone?”

“How could I forget?” Connor replied. It was hard to forget something like that.

His first kiss with Evan, on his old bed at his parent's house. They’d gone to the orchard just after school and had managed to time the perfect gap for getting home between his parents leaving for some kind of ridiculous charity dinner and Zoe getting home from jazz band practice.

As they’d sat on his bed, hands shaking, eyes nervous, Evan had frantically leaned over and kissed him for the first time. All the kisses after that that they’d shared that evening were significantly better, and yet, with the combination of both of their crippling anxieties, depression and Connor having a particularly bad day in coping with his dysphoria, they hadn’t managed to get any farther than that.

“What if,” Evan said before gulping down a huge breath of air, “what if we had gone farther...that afternoon?”

“You want to pretend we’re back in high school?” Connor asked, pressed forwards and lowering his voice a little.

Instead of answering out loud, Evan just nodded. While Connor liked Evan taking charge in the bedroom, seeing this side of Evan come out every once in a while was a delight as well.

“You’ve thought about this a lot, huh?” Connor asked as he crawled forwards, properly straddling Evan and using his weight to push him back.

“Mhmm,” Evan managed to squeak out as he closed his eyes tight.

“Tell me,” Connor said, leaning in to kiss Evan, “tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.”

“Connor c’mon,” Evan whined, “No teasing me.”

“Not teasing,” Connor said, “just checking in. Making sure this is gonna be good. So tell me...when you’re alone at night and you think about this...what do you think about?”

“I...um,” Evan stuttered before lacing his fingers tight into Connors's hand, closing his eyes and saying, “I always thought we’d go really slow and carefully. And we’d-we’d take our time. You’d sit on my hips...like-like this...and we’d-we’d...you know, go all the way.”

“I can do that baby,” Connor said, pressing a kiss to Evan’s lips, “I’m glad you told me. See, now I know what to do.”

“C-Connor, can you-can you kiss me again?” Evan asked, opening just one eye.

“Of course,” Connor said, following Evan’s instructions to the T.

As they kissed, gently, then deeper, Connor tried to remember back to high school. How he was brash and impulsive. A little too cocky for his own good sometimes. Never really thought about what he was saying until it had come out of his mouth and he’d managed to burn yet another bridge. But anytime he was with Evan, he realized that Evan was important enough to him that they actually would try to regulate his emotions. It wasn’t easy, 90% of the time, it was actually really hard. Sometimes he slipped up and lost his cool. Sometimes he was mean and yelled. But for Evan, he tried.

“Can I take this off?” Connor asked, pushing his hands up the bottom of Evan’s striped shirt and resting them on his stomach. Sure, it was more toned and tanned than it had been in high school, but it was still Evan and his skin was still remarkably soft.

“Just…,” Evan said, squirming a little and letting his hips and erection bump up into Connor’s groin, “Just….”

“Want me to go slow?” Connor asked and Evan nodded, a blush spreading down his neck and into the collar of his polo shirt, making the dark blue look even more vibrant against his skin.

Kissing down the side of Evan’s neck and using the hand not braced on his hip to pinch open the buttons of his collar, Connor gently sucked a mark onto his skin. Rubbing a thumb over the dusting of brown hair at his collarbone, Evan whined and jerked his hips upwards again, causing Connor to let out a groan of his own.

Using both hands to push the bottom of Evan’s shirt up and out of the way, he scooted down his muscled body and pressed kisses into the newly exposed skin. As he followed the removal of the shirt with his lips, Connor slid his hands against Evan’s shoulder blades. With the muscles that he’d put on at the gym, he lifted Evan up to pull the shirt over the back of his head. Once he freed it from Evan’s arms and dropped it off the side of the bed, Connor started pressing more kisses to the newly exposed skin.

“Connor…,” Evan said softly and Connor paused for a second to look up at him, his hair, no longer holding its position that it’d been in earlier and resting in loose curls around his forehead, he looked just like the boy he’d fallen in love with all those years ago.

“Yeah?” Connor asked, smoothing his thumbs in tight circles against Evan’s hip bones.

“Can you...can you please...umph,” Evan said, closing his eyes and letting his head smack back against the bed.

“Evan,” Connor said, his voice sweet and drawn out, “You have to use your words, right darling?”

“Can you please touch me?” Evan said, his voice thready.

“Where?” Connor asked before pressing his hands against Evan’s pectoral muscles, “Here?”

“No,” Evan whined before answering in one breath, “can you please...take off my pants too?”

“Of course darling,” Connor said, pressing a kiss to Evan’s lips over and over again before dragging his hands down and unbuttoning his pants and unzipping the fly.

“Lift,” Connor muttered against Evan’s lips. As Evan complied, he pushed his khaki pants down as far as he could reach with his - admittedly long - arms. Evan helped with the remaining stretch of his legs by giving a gentle kick. The beige khakis were gone, sure, but Connor couldn’t help but take in the boxers that Evan had chosen to wear.

He remembered that - back when they’d first moved in together - Evan had gone to the store and bought a whole new set of underwear, claiming that now that his mother wasn’t buying them for him, he wanted ones with cool designs on them, just like Connor’s. Gone were his tighty whities and in walked tree patterned, blue, yellow and red boxers. Connor loved them, but when it was unexpected, the white was quite the throwback.

At that moment, Connor realized that this wasn’t just a spur of the moment thing for Evan. He’d been planning this for weeks. Maybe months. And Connor finding the shirt? It was probably just the icing on the cake. This wasn’t just one of their crazy bedroom whims. Evan wanted this and was prepared. If he wasn’t already planning on being the best boyfriend in the world before, Connor was definitely planning on it now. He wasn’t going to screw this up.

“How far do you want me to go, babe?” Connor asked, playing into the ‘first-time’ vibes as he dragged a hand up Evan’s stomach and running his palm over one of Evan’s nipples.

Instead of answering, Evan just thrust his chest up into Connor’s hands, which wasn’t exactly the answer he was looking for. Slipping his hands down, he pressed a soft kiss to Evan’s lips and asked again.

“Can we-,” Evan started before shaking his head a little like he sometimes did when the arousal started clouding his thoughts. Connor thought it was adorable.

“Can we try...try to go-try to go all the way?” Evan asked, a hint of a smile on his face. Like he knew exactly what he was doing.

He was proving to Connor that he was still entirely in the mindset to consent properly. Reassuring Connor so they didn’t have to stop. Besides, the second Evan said so, or used their safeword, he’d stop right away. He might be playing up on his asshole-ish high school self, but now, same as then, he’d never do anything to hurt Evan. Never.

“Absolutely,” Connor said, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Evan’s nose before pulling back again and saying, “just remember, we can stop whenever okay? I won’t get mad or shitty at you or anything.”

“Okay, and-and you too Connor,” Evan said, “right? Tell me if it...hurts...or something.”

“I will, I promise,” Connor said before tugging at the hem of Evan’s underwear, “can I take these off?”

“Yeah,” Evan said breathily.

And suddenly, Evan was naked while Connor was still fully dressed. Which was totally something that Connor could have seen happening, had they done this all those years ago. Trying to stay in character at least a little, Connor decided that he knew exactly how this was going to work.

Sliding down Evan, he looked up at his blond boyfriend and gave the head of his dick a small little kitten lick before asking, “can I?”

“Oh god Connor please,” Evan said, throwing his head back into the pillow with his eyes closed. A thought briefly crossed his mind, that he should scold Evan for closing his eyes and not watching - because Evan always did that to him - but for their ‘first time,’ he knew he never would have actually done that.

Sinking down onto Evan, Connor used the distraction of his mouth to unbutton his jeans and kick them off the end of the bed. With Evan otherwise preoccupied, Connor pushed his own underwear down to his thighs and reached behind himself. High school Evan would have had no idea how to get Connor properly ready for this, and while he would have hated doing this to himself all those years ago - and wasn’t exactly a super fan nowadays - Connor didn’t want to get hurt.

Around the same time that Connor noticed the muscles in Evan’s stomach and thighs jumping and twitching around him, he thought that he was definitely ready to keep going, so he pulled off of Evan and licked his lips a little before wiping off his chin with the back of the hand not actively inside himself.

“Ready?” Connor asked as he looked into Evan’s glazed over face.

Swallowing hard when Evan just looked up at him with a goofy smile, Connor broke character to ask, “Hey Evan, colour check?”

“Green,” Evan muttered before saying, “so fucking green.”

“Okay babe,” Connor said, crawling up Evan’s body on his hands and knees before settling just below Evan’s very hard and very split-covered dick.

Looking down at himself, Connor took in the black hoodie and grey shirt, hanging just over his packer - which was still harnessed to his hips. While he hadn’t had one back in high school, it was something Connor just wasn’t willing to compromise on right now. It wasn’t coming off. Not today.

Reaching over to Evan’s night table, he grabbed the bottle of lube and drizzled a healthy amount over Evan. Gently and softly smoothing it down Evan’s dick, making sure to not accidentally make him come, Connor pressed kisses to his stomach, the center of his chest, up his neck and then to his lips.

“Love you Evan,” Connor whispered, “you ready for this?”

“Uh-huh,” Evan grunted, jerking his hips up and bumping into Connor. Shivering before sitting up straight, Connor got himself lined up before gently sinking down.

Jerking his hands out carefully, Evan looked up at Connor’s face before asking - in a surprisingly clear voice and without stuttering, “can I touch you? You okay with that today?”

“Please Evan,” Connor whined as Evan’s fingers made their way between his body and where his packer sat. Yeah, he’d definitely need to wash it after this. But still, the extra stimulation was exactly what he needed to sink the rest of the way down onto Evan.

Starting to move, gently then a little quicker, Evan moaned out, “not going to last.”

“That's okay,” Connor said, bracing his hands on Evan’s chest and going even quicker, “as long as you feel good, okay?”

“Okay,” Evan replied, speeding up on Connor a little.

As he could feel the white light of release approaching, Connor watched as Evan rolled his head back and forth on his pillow, left hand that was once fisted in the sheets below him reaching out and tracing around where the two of them were joined gently.

“Almost there?” Connor asked, knowing that Evan always liked it when they came at the same time. The fact that he was now trying extra hard to get Connor off, meant he must have been almost there.

“Come Con,” Evan grunted, breaking the veil of submission to give one command. The instruction registered in Connor’s brain and he felt the white line of release wash over him as he slumped down onto Evan’s chest.

“Can I keep going?” Evan asked and when Connor nodded, Evan used his park-muscles to hold up Connor from his body as Evan drilled up to him maybe ten extra times before he tensed and came.

Once they had both come down from their high, Connor stripped off his old sweater and shirt, dumping the hot and sweaty fabric off the edge of their bed. When Evan gently wiped Connor clean from the come leaking out of him, his blond boyfriend looked over at him with soft blue eyes and asked, “Ready for a bath?”

“Yes please,” Connor replied, using his shaking arms to push himself to sitting again.

In the washroom, the bath poured and steam covering the mirror, Evan tugged at the harness for his packer and asked, “taking this off or no?”

“Not right now,” Connor confessed, looking away from Evan a little shyly.

“Hey,” Evan said, pressing his fingers under Connor’s chin and turning his face back towards him, “Its okay. I’m not mad, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Connor replied with a small smile as he stepped into the bathtub and sank down into the water. Letting Evan scootch in behind him and wrap his arms around Connor’s stomach, they pressed together and Connor felt his eyes slipping closed. He felt so safe and so loved that his heart wanted to blow up.

“Hey,” Evan said, pressing a kiss to Connor’s temple, “thanks for that.”

“No problem,” Connor said, “I liked it. But let's just wait for a little to do that again, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Evan said with a soft huff, “sounds like a plan.”

“I love you,” Connor said.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have been posting a ridiculous amount of DEH content and feel slightly guilty about flooding the tag with it, but this one is done now, so I definitely feel a little better about my posting habits.


End file.
